Good Grief?

The relation of someone very close to me died this afternoon. All I can do is sit here and feel pretty much useless. But, still, that I am here ready to talk on the other end of a phone, and praying, seems to be a comfort for my friend.

In this time of turmoil, my friends family are all grieving - all in various ways. Or are they? For some of the family, the time of mourning and grieving begin months ago when the elderly family member began being ill, and as the life of this person had seemed to go from perky to death's door, then dramatically up hill again, it seems as though people were unsure whether they should be letting go or not. The time has come, where there is at least a final; a final which can also be the start of a definite letting go of a loved one.

Yet, amidst all this turmoil there can still be found joy and happiness. To some, that there can still be smiles and laughter would seem out of place, to others it's one way of coping with emotions never before experienced, therefore not understood, and for some, life must just go on. Everyone mourns loss differently - loss of a loved one through death; loss that comes through moving away from an area known as 'home' for years; loss of an ability through injury; as well as many more. So is it right to find a place of contentment in all of this where life continues? Is it wrong? Is it vital?

When I meet with my friend, I know that the first thing we do is to give each other a massive hug - which will say more than any attempt of sympathy or words of encouragement that 'life will get better, you'll see!' will ever be able to say. It's in the silence that God speaks to many, and it's in the silence that many can find an inner place of solitude, whilst still surrounded by the throws of life. It's through the shedding of tears that burdens can be lifted. 'Jesus began to weep' (John 11:35 - NRSV), is an often used quote when Christians try to persuade people out of the depths of despair over the death of a loved one - and I don't think it usually holds much weight for many just to know that he shed a few tears. We are not told how long He wept for, but the word 'weeping' certainly suggests more than a few tears: weeping suggests all-out noisy cries, and (without meaning to sound irreligious) a dripping nose. Yet even He, who knew that Lazarus was about to be raised from the dead, needed to grieve at the time. Jesus knew that there were greater things for Lazarus, that the death was not the end. I can't take from that that individuals must immediately spring back to life. For one thing, when a person dies physically on this earth, they have died with no Christ to bring them back as we would like. Yet I know that my friend can still take some comfort in this family member's death, and that now the family can breathing a huge sigh or relief that there are no more 'what ifs', and that their loved one is no longer holding on by a thread, or being kept alive purely by medication.

Once I have hugged my friend, we will walk together and share story with each other, which will involve the wonderful release of stresses through the gift of laughter as well as tears. And, although the grief will not be forgotten about, it can be laid to the side for a while; It will have it's affects on the time shared together, and the time shared together will, in response, have it's own affects on the grieving process.